So I've been watching The Worst Cooks In America for two weeks now, and I can officially say that the reality show format is murdering a whole bunch of perfectly good ideas at the Food Network. Seriously. It's following them down a dark alley and bludgeoning them to death with a crowbar.

Were it not for "Mitsubishi" and "blend door", the word "simmer" would be my most hated word of the week.

The good news is, I have a healthy quantity of a tomato product in my refrigerator that tastes remarkably like my memories of the last time I had the ketchup at Hell's Kitchen here in Minneapolis, The bad news is how I got there - the kitchen that looks like an abbatoir, the horrific burns on my face, and all because of that one word. Simmer.

A few items, mostly Alton Brown related:

First, if you love Alton Brown, and want to love him even more than you ever thought possible, go right now and read this Onion AV Club interview with him. Two key words - plane, and bullet.

Second, one of the reasons he gave the interview was to promote the Good Eats 10th Anniversary Special, which will not only be airing tomorrow night, but will apparently be a LIVE variety show. I suspect it will need to be seen to be believed.

Cathy brought this back from California. It will be the subject of a vast number of articles in the future, so I thought I'd just give you the vital statistics now.

YEAR: 1941

PUBLISHER: Chinese Cook Book Company, Winona, Minnesota

NUMBER OF RECIPES: 55

NUMBER OF RECIPES NOT INCLUDING A RACIST CARTOON: 0

And here's the cover:

Really, Food Network? Really?

So last year, Food Network ran The Next Iron Chef. It was a great show, with some great chefs, and not only did it give us Michael Symon on Iron Chef America, but a number of the other contestants seem to have impressed the same executives who thought Sandra Lee should definitely make a Kwanzaa cake. Since then, Aaron Sanchez has been judging on Chopped, and Chris Cosentino has been showing up here and there.

Guy Fieri is to food television what ebola is to strong, healthy muscles.

If there is one single person on your television you should be paying attention to in regards to food, it's Alton Brown. The food nerd's food nerd, the man has almost a decade and a half of television under his belt, plus three books. And his body of work is as close to a comprehensive guide to the world of home cooking as exists on the planet. Plus it has puppets. And while you certainly can go wrong with puppets, you can also go very, very right with them.

Just a short note on Food Network's latest show - Food Network personalities and anyone else they can get in front of a camera talking about dishes they love and the places that serve them.

It's a good idea, and shockingly, for Food Network, the vast majority of the people they have talking about the food are their more knowledgable and respectable personalities.

THAT SAID.