Until Saturday, I have been immune to the charms of the "take and bake" pizza concept. I mean, pizza is one of the few foods that can consistantly arrive on your doorstep, already cooked and ready to eat. "Take and bake" seems to defy all pizza logic, in that you have to go and get it, and then, once you've gotten it, you have to cook it.

This is what Burger Kings are going to look like soon.

No, really.

The good news is, is should be fairly inexpensive for franchises, as they can pick up everything they need from a Target clearance aisle three years ago. The bad news is, once they make the mandatory upgrade, they're going to have to stare at this all fucking day long.

I never eat at McDonalds anymore. I never walk into a KFC. Burger King rarely, Wendy's occasionally, and Taco Johns only on those occasions when I have managed to forget what it tastes like. As a general rule, my fast-food habits have changed pretty drastically in the past decade. 

But damn, do I love me some Taco Bell.

You know how I said their fries were mediocre? They are. But it doesn't matter, because you can also get haystack onions, and I just did, and they're deeply awesome. Mostly onion, with a light crispy coating. Official preferred side item of choice.

First, let me mention something I forgot to say whenI covered Burger Jones. Burger Jones has free WiFi. Any restaurant that has free WiFi wouild, if I used star ratings, earn an extra half-star on that basis alone. I don't care if it's sit-down with waiters, counter-service, or fast food. Slap in a Net connection and an unsecured router and I will fondly remember you when it comes time for future visits. So kudos to Burger Jones for fulfilling that need.

It is the duty, nay, obligation, of everyone writing about the Twin Cities food scene this summer to write about hamburgers. That's because three very high-profile burger joints have opened here over the course May-June, an event I am dubbing the Twin Cities Patty Orgy. Two up-and-coming national chains, Five Guys and Smashburger, opened Minneapolis outposts. And then there's Burger Jones, which for non-resident readers is a very popular new place just two blocks from my home, run by one of the biggest local restaurant groups.

I have a slightly embarassing confession to make, and I might as well get it right out front. Recently, Penny Arcade decided to branch out from its pure nerdcomic roots and try a new creative endeavor. The first of those, "Lookouts", was revealed to have been thought up in an Arby's.

With Forkbastard, I'm branching out from my pure comedy-polemic roots and trying a new creative endeavor. And it, too, was thought up in an Arby's. Which means this blog has more in common than little fantasy-world Cub Scouts than I am entirely comfortable with.