This is a tale of two bags of chips. One purchased, and one simply stared at in utter disbelief.

Yes, I spotted two new flavors in Lay's line of flavor-dusted Kettle Cooked chips this week. The first is called "Creamy Mediterranean Herb". It's a name that brings to mind the flavors of Greece, possibly Italy, possibly even Northern Africa. What's in it?

Oregano, basil, and white cheddar.

I did not find any new flavors of reduced fat kettle chips in this week's worksnack trip to Target. What I did find, however, was a new column of Multigrain Chips, which are basically the Archer Farms generic Sunchips. And I have to have a little private aside to Target here, if you don't mind.

The things I do for you people.

I first spotted Pizza Supreme Doritos on the shelves at Byerly's on Saturday. Now, we are in a deep, deep lull when it comes to new snack dustings, so I was mildly curious. But it's pizza flavor on Doritos. That's never a good sign.

But today, at Target, buying this week's supply of nerd rations, the Doritos were on sale. And I can always use a subject for a blog post. So I bought them. I haven't opened them yet. I thought I'd try an actual live-ish typing of my impressions, start to finish, for the hell of it.

The Hostess family of products carries a certain undeserved cachet with my generation. I don't know if it's because they were less processed back then, or if it's just the ad campaign in the comic books that showed superheroes actually defeating world-domination plans with their tasty goodness, but they hold a mystical sway over those of us whose formative years were in the 70's.

I try not to get too into the whole Foreign Snacks fetish. Nine times out of ten, it's an acquired taste thing, a nerdy affectation thing, or whatever. It's not because the foreign snacks use better ingredients, it's just a different configuration of the same stuff our own convenience stores sell.

The tenth time, by the way, is Pocky, which somehow transcends all the irritating nerd obsessions that surround it.

I've eaten two bags of something Google refuses to acknowledge the existence of. Limited edition, Bacon/Cheddar Cheese/Pretzel Combos.

The Combos site makes no mention of them. In other news, I went and looked at the Combos website, where I learned that I am apparently a "Combivore". It's a good thing I really fucking love Combos, because that's the kind of marketing that would make me drop a lesser snack so fast it'd shatter on impact, spreading a mushroom cloud of flavor dust for several square miles.

So, in the interests of curiosity and snacking, I ate a can of multi-grain Cheesy Cheddar Pringles last week, and I'd just like to take a moment to laugh in the Pringles' guy's bow-tied, moustachioed face. Ready? HA HA HA.

About a week ago I idly mentioned the existence of First, Second, and Third Degree Burn Doritos, in which America's most ubiquitous corn chip was hosed down with the increasingly spicy flavors of jalapeno, buffalo, and habanero.

I have since partaken of the jalapeno ones, a.k.a. First Degree Burn, and I am simultaneously under- and over-whelmed. Remember Late Night Dorito Jalapeno Popper flavor? Well, it's back, only now it's got extra pepper spray!

First, a quick memo to an unnamed and unknown neighbor. I understand wanting a snack at 9:30 pm on a Sunday. I understand wanting that snack to be bacon. I understand not being able to swing thick-cut heirloom pork hand-smoked artisinal bacon. BUT.

Your bacon smells like Band-Aids. Seriously. And your bacony bandaid waft permeated my apartment. Stop buying bacon at the dollar store, or, alternately, take the plastic wrap off before you cook it. Dear god.

Yeah, it's been another slow week. I made a nice variant of the asparagus soup with tarragon and garlic, and learned the hard way just how much fucking fun it is when woody asparagus strings wrap themselves tightly around the shaft of an immersion blender, but otherwise, nothing blogworthy.

Luckily, Pepsico's penchant for putting out proper sugar versions of its corn syrup sodas continues unabated, as today's Target run led to the discovery of Sierra Mist Natural, an all-sugar, no-corn-syrup variant of the lemon-lime soda that's not as good as Slice was.